Numb

I was hoping I could post some happy news. I didn´t think that things could get worse, but they did. I have no strength left. I when I´m alone I cry. I keep on forgetting things. When I´m alone I don´t feel anything at all or I feel pain. I´m glad that my friends get me out. I have much time these days.

The relationship between and my boss got from good to bad to very bad. Then he did the most horrible thing he could do, he made me work on Frieday evenings, that´s when I do youthwork. He knows exactly how important this is to me. A lot of things happend before, but to me, this was the end. I went to see my doctor and he wrote me a paper saying, that I don´t have to go to work this month. I am going to quitt that job, but it´s really hard to find a new one. I don´t really have the strength to do anything, I don´t really want to do anything. I´m just empty. My friends who have known me for years say I´m not myself anymore. I know I´m not. This is but a shadow from what I used to be. I never cryed so much in my life. I never lost hope. Nothing really matters anymore. I can´t belive this is me, I can´t belive I feel this way. It´s like a nightmare and I´m waiting to wake up. I don´t understand, I am confused and I just don´t understand.

Thank you for all your encouraging words and all your prayers, please keep on praying. The love of God and people like you is all that keeps me going.